I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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