WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
