I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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