I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
