Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
