I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
