All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
