i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
