i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
