The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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