I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
