I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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