How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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