In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
