Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
