you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
