she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
