Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
this is an emotional support booty call
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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