You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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