Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
