Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
