There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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