sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
