he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You were trust falling into bushes
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
