Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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