Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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