thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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