Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
