we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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