cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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