So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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