Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
