well you can't waste a boner
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
