you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
