super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
