Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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