Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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