Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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