I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
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The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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