How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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