I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
