A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
