I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
