I'm so fucking centered right now
Plan B is the new Plan A
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"