Got a toothbrush?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me