I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????