This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
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Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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