i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
