i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
