your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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