I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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