Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Houston, we have a squirter
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
