I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
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omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
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God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
The feeling are messing with the penis
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.