God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.