Texts From Last Night

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.

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  (604): I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks. http://tfl.nu/kxma
  Replies (34) Good night (2292) Bad night (2689)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture

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  (913): I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture http://tfl.nu/ttvt
  Replies (46) Good night (600) Bad night (2898)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.

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  (630): If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries. http://tfl.nu/qapc
  Replies (26) Good night (4367) Bad night (764)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Sorry I couldn't get my dick out

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  (310): Sorry I couldn't get my dick out http://tfl.nu/ywcl
  Replies (22) Good night (880) Bad night (6374)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory

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  (516): I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory http://tfl.nu/t9t2
  Replies (21) Good night (11024) Bad night (776)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.

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  (317): I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once. http://tfl.nu/p9x8
  Replies (0) Good night (1906) Bad night (995)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you

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  (330): I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you http://tfl.nu/tpxb
  Replies (11) Good night (1903) Bad night (1170)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.

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  (770): Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers. http://tfl.nu/y8q2
  Replies (9) Good night (2010) Bad night (1496)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.

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  (651): I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his. http://tfl.nu/2lgm
  Replies (15) Good night (2472) Bad night (725)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You almost married that.

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  (412): Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower. (1-412): You almost married that. http://tfl.nu/nlo1
  Replies (7) Good night (2455) Bad night (865)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building

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  (314): My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building http://tfl.nu/5uwh
  Replies (4) Good night (1057) Bad night (476)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.

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  (503): She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist. http://tfl.nu/sycq
  Replies (2) Good night (1659) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.

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  (931): Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close. http://tfl.nu/0xt0
  Replies (3) Good night (840) Bad night (630)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.

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  (906): We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad. http://tfl.nu/iebd
  Replies (10) Good night (1862) Bad night (415)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.

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  (289): I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me. http://tfl.nu/j2zo
  Replies (7) Good night (854) Bad night (291)

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