Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
