Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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