Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(302): View more from Delaware

I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course

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(302): I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course http://tfl.nu/mcvz

Replies (62) Good night (2187) Bad night (1099)
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(906): View more from Michigan

quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets

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(906): quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets http://tfl.nu/q9v7

Replies (11) Good night (771) Bad night (2566)
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(214): View more from Texas

Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS

(210): View more from Texas

Put my glitter back.

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(214): Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS (210): Put my glitter back. http://tfl.nu/4pgc

Replies (16) Good night (3318) Bad night (665)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office

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(336): 1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office http://tfl.nu/b4dd

Replies (18) Good night (4956) Bad night (509)
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(212): View more from New York

It's never good when you wake up covered with burns

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(212): It's never good when you wake up covered with burns http://tfl.nu/8fkk

Replies (15) Good night (769) Bad night (3985)
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(204): View more from Manitoba

I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.

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(204): I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks. http://tfl.nu/ehmv

Replies (6) Good night (2174) Bad night (802)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...

(1-320): View more from Minnesota

It's been a bad semester.

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(320): I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill... (1-320): It's been a bad semester. http://tfl.nu/n3pf

Replies (9) Good night (1067) Bad night (2178)
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(606): View more from Kentucky

I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.

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(606): I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell. http://tfl.nu/zj5n

Replies (14) Good night (2574) Bad night (669)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.

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(901): A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird. http://tfl.nu/mrcn

Replies (10) Good night (1334) Bad night (498)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one

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(615): The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one http://tfl.nu/1h27

Replies (3) Good night (1684) Bad night (437)
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(515): View more from Iowa

He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?

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(515): He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for? http://tfl.nu/vbci

Replies (4) Good night (1189) Bad night (280)
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(409): View more from Texas

I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.

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(409): I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it. http://tfl.nu/vd4l

Replies (4) Good night (669) Bad night (405)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.

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(615): Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face. http://tfl.nu/mm6o

Replies (5) Good night (1200) Bad night (372)
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(913): View more from Kansas

speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?

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(913): speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall? http://tfl.nu/3y98

Replies (1) Good night (759) Bad night (267)
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(303): View more from Colorado

apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...

(303): View more from Colorado

...it didn't...

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(303): apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him... (303): ...it didn't... http://tfl.nu/54y0

Replies (2) Good night (954) Bad night (305)

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