Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?

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  (314): rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places? http://tfl.nu/i464
  Replies (39) Good night (6316) Bad night (788)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow

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  (989): i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow http://tfl.nu/zmy7
  Replies (11) Good night (2181) Bad night (852)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.

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  (313): this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it. http://tfl.nu/wugy
  Replies (44) Good night (748) Bad night (4464)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.

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  (703): tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions. http://tfl.nu/m5qp
  Replies (67) Good night (864) Bad night (5837)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?

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  (570): i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it? http://tfl.nu/x3ze
  Replies (4) Good night (2750) Bad night (901)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...

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  (303): You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike... http://tfl.nu/i5zc
  Replies (7) Good night (1072) Bad night (2226)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.

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  (978): i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous. (603): it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup. http://tfl.nu/1y0h
  Replies (5) Good night (1837) Bad night (1154)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.

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  (303): I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub. http://tfl.nu/lnap
  Replies (11) Good night (1911) Bad night (1093)
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  (916): View more from California

  You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.

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  (916): You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you. http://tfl.nu/ukeu
  Replies (4) Good night (789) Bad night (1788)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  You fucked her?! HER?!

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.

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  (205): You fucked her?! HER?! (1-205): She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir. http://tfl.nu/jld9
  Replies (6) Good night (3797) Bad night (813)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.

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  (734): I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony. http://tfl.nu/i9iy
  Replies (3) Good night (1498) Bad night (777)
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  (562): View more from California

  well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed

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  (562): well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed http://tfl.nu/ggi5
  Replies (13) Good night (2238) Bad night (787)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?

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  (563): What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names? http://tfl.nu/tbo9
  Replies (2) Good night (1071) Bad night (477)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days

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  (604): Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days (1-604): Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days http://tfl.nu/vv75
  Replies (2) Good night (819) Bad night (438)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.

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  (662): Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know. http://tfl.nu/ri8v
  Replies (2) Good night (556) Bad night (226)

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