It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
