Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is wine microwaveable?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
