So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
