You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
