I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
