i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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