she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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