Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
