thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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