It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
