I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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