I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
