So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
