True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
