so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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