In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
