omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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