You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
