A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
