There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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